Small Faith Community starts St. Michael Ministry of Compassionate Care
by Mary Ann Sestak, Holy Cross Parish, Batavia IL

I honestly believe that God planted the seed for this Bereavement Ministry work in my heart many years ago when I was only nine years old. I have been exposed to death within my immediate families since I was nine until the present time. Because I was so young when the death of my six year old sister occurred, I feel that I have ‘grown up’ with death and dying which has allowed me to view these traumas as realities of life and a part of the cycle of life that God has planned for each of us. I do believe that the day of our death is really our actual ‘birth’ day.

I have lost three siblings, my Father, and my Mother.  However, my greatest test and challenge presented itself suddenly in my life on the Wednesday of June 5, 2002. The sudden and totally unexpected death of my husband Dr. Michael E. Sestak has changed my life dramatically! Dr. Mike always had a profound influence and effect upon me, but through his loss from my life, this profound influence and effect is now greater than ever.

We were married for nearly forth-five years. He truly was the ‘Love of my life!’ Throughout a lifetime of togetherness there are many ups and downs, trials and tribulations, joys and sorrows. We experienced all of these with the rearing of our five children and the deaths of thirteen family members within our two families at that time. That number of family losses has continued to increase since the death of Dr. Mike with the death of my oldest brother, my sister-in-law, my Mother and numerous friends.

Two of Dr. Mike’s brothers died with sudden unexpected heart attacks; therefore, I knew how I would lose him one day. I just didn’t know where or when. I would never have imagined that his massive heart attack would occur while we were attending a family funeral away from our home. God truly does come ‘like a thief in the night’, but for Dr. Mike, He came in broad daylight. Death is not easy no matter how it arrives…expected or unexpected…it still comes as a shock! We can never be prepared for this great depth of grief, sorrow, and loss. My deep Faith, great family of our children and grandchildren, and good friends have helped me to accept this new vocation of widowhood that I was suddenly thrust into…as I say…without any experience!

Widowhood has taken me on a deeper spiritual journey as it allows time for much self-introspection and that is good. Values do change as we look at the bigger picture of life. We must open ourselves and be of compassionate caring for others. Subsequently, after much prayerful discernment, support, and counsel with Msgr. Dan Deutsch, I founded the St. Michael Ministry of Compassionate Care here at Holy Cross.

I attended the Light of the World Retreat about six years ago. I was the only widow in attendance at that time. Our Small Faith Community that was formed from that Retreat is still meeting weekly and has become my Spiritual Family. During our first year of meeting, we were encouraged to choose a project or activity that would be of benefit for Holy Cross that we could work on collectively. As we were discussing many possibilities, I had no intention of mentioning my thoughts about a bereavement ministry, but suddenly, the Holy Spirit spoke through me and I put forth my ideas. The idea was readily received by members of our group who have become trusted and loyal members of our St. Michael Ministry of Compassionate Care. They have completed the Bereavement Volunteer Training Program and they volunteer as Bereavement Partners to our parishioners who are hurting following the death of a loved one for one year. Over the years, we have also been blessed by many other faith-filled parishioners who have joined our ministry of compassionate care.

The purpose of this bereavement ministry is to carry on with support after the funeral by providing ongoing care for parish members as time passes and the full impact of the death and loss become real and apparent in their everyday lives. We are a parish family and it is hoped that this type of caring will be meaningful and helpful to those in our midst who are hurting.

This ministry has been flourishing over the recent years as the need for bereavement care is so prevalent today. Everyone will be touched by this need sooner or later. It is our goal that no one should have to walk this lonely journey alone.

The duties and responsibilities of the SMM are many and varied:

1. To provide education about death and dying as an integral part of our faith journey. Our society and culture creates a fear of death since it is the last unknown, but with understanding and grace we can learn to embrace it.

2. Our work has grown to include the Funeral Liturgy Ministry which consists of planning the Funeral Liturgy (Mass/ Readings/Music/Details) with the immediate family of the deceased. It is an honor and privilege to assist the families of our parish at this hour of deep sorrow. We present a special blessed candle to the family at this time as we do the preparation for the Funeral Mass. We also attend each Funeral Mass, if at all possible.

3. SMM sends a special sympathy card to the family following the Funeral Mass.

4. SMM conducts Bereavement Volunteer Training Classes yearly and Bereavement Support Groups twice a year.

5. SMM provides volunteer contact with the bereaved families for one year. We also send special pamphlets to the bereaved families: The Rosary for Grieving Persons to mark the first anniversary of their loss and Holiday Helps at Christmas time to all who have suffered a loss during the past year

6. SMM conducts an All Souls Candle Lighting Memorial Service each November.

7. SMM has a Prayer Shawl Ministry for those who are ill and we also provide the CareNotes which are found in the parish Ministry Room.

8. SMM provides ongoing education with outstanding
speakers at our SMM meetings.

9. We offer, to all parishioners, Funeral Liturgy Pre-Planning at their convenience. One does not have to be in ill health to have this done. It is a great gift of love for oneself and for the family.

10. All that we do is done through the direction of the Holy Spirit and with the blessings of our pastor Msgr. Dan.

Life can be complicated, but the heart that gives…gathers! Sometimes it is in the winds of change, that we find our true direction. We do grow through our adversities! It is choice, not chance that determines our destiny and joy is the light that fills us with Faith, Hope, and Love. I encourage each of you to find your joy and to share it with others.

I have come to realize, as the members of our SMM have also realized, that we must give in order to receive. We must comfort others in order to be comforted. We must continue to love in order to be loved. God allows us to continue sharing the Gift of Compassionate Care with our parishioners at their hours of greatest need. Helping others to heal has a great reward of helping ourselves to heal as well!  Holy Cross Church offers each of us Sacramental and Spiritual support and the opportunity to touch others’ lives!  God is Great!

Thank you for allowing me to share my SMM story with you. God bless you!